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I didn’t know I was hurt

I cried this afternoon after I masturbated…

after I orgasmed…

Tears for years

of sexual toxins

sexual misuse and bodily abuse

Crying for years of self-hate

and misplaced affection

for years of trying to find acceptance 

and love

through someone else

desperately THROWING my body at others 

demanding that they love it


because I couldn’t

tears for the dysfunctional relationship with my body

with sexuality

tears to acknowledge the healing that I have done

that I have yet to do

The healing 

that comes after

being so disconnected from my body

I didn’t know I was hurt. 

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